It is discouraging and scary to be coming back from this injury. Strange that I say this as I have come back from two ACL reconstructions. But there the injury was fixed. This time I know I have no miniscus and a meniscal tear. It is not "fixed" and it is up to me to change my training accordingly. Also running cannot be my priority. My schooling is my priority and that takes up a lot of time and effort. There is no clear path forward.
I went for a 14 mile run on tired legs on Thursday and really died at the end; my legs felt like lead. That used to be easy and at an easy pace (~7:30). Now it is difficult to brutal. My physical therapist said on Friday that people have come back from worse and that I will be back out there. And I will try. I know I am not alone when I run, I know I have my mom and my cat (who I put to sleep when her kidneys failed the day after my mom had been hospitalized with her final seizure. She sometimes visits me in dreams. She had been abused by previous owners, so I spent a lot of time sitting with her until I was the first person with whom she connected.) But is is hard to have loved something so much and have it taken away suddenly, whether it be a mother, a cat, or running. But hopefully I can get it all back.
I know I have strength in me. But between school and being in the worst shape since my ACL reconstructions, it is scary. I'm going to keep plugging away at my schoolwork and keep going to physical therapy and hopefully soon I will be back out there racing with my friends and comrades. I won't be at the front of the pack. That isn't how the body works. I will have to take some time to earn my way back up there. Wish me luck; I need it!
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